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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.