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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.