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My mom never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."