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Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.