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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.