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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.