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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."