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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?