Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off