Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...