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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...