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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.