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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
Long story short, I love summaries.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.