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Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I flunked anger management class.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.