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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.