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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am