Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.