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Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?