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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!