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If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.