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There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?