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Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.