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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D