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They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"