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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I hate when the remote is way over there
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.