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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
The future was so much cooler in the past.