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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?