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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
Why don`t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...