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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.