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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.