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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
Pro tip: “Hold my drink” is not a proper response to “License and registration, please.” … apparently.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.