Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.