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When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.