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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.