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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.
Smelling another person should be a choice.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.