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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.