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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.