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If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.