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I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.