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Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...