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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
* feels winds of change * realizes it`s just a hole in my shorts
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you