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Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.