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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.