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?-- that guy is cute ?
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!