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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
2 words, 1 finger.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?