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Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.