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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Remember when the world ended last year?
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.