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It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.