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I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.