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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.