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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Question everything...Or should you?
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.