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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.