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Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.