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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.