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I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.