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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.