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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...